A Sunny Snow Day

“I talked about the summer. But I caught myself talking like it was something that had happened in the past (301)”. I love this quote from “Chef’s House”. It perfectly expresses how I feel when something good is about to end, and it already feels like a memory. The feeling of a moment fading into a memory is a hollow feeling. It feels as if the memory and all the happiness that surrounds it is being shoved into a glass bottle and the cork is rapidly approaching to seal the memory inside, never to be opened again. When I start to see that cork approaching I start panicking that I haven't taken full advantage of a situation. This panicked feeling leads to anxiety. It’s hard for me to fully appreciate something that is happening in the moment because I’m too afraid that the moment is going to end and I’ll never be able to relive it. This idea is really counter intuitive, but I still find myself worried about the end even in the beginning of a day.

Last month we had a snow day. The morning of the snow day I woke up feeling excited about the fun-filled day ahead of me, but once I opened my eyes, a wave of panic came over me. My bedroom was full of sunlight which is the worst kind of scenery for a snowy day. Sunny snow days are like the end of a great vacation. Even though you’re still on vacation and can relax, you already feel like the moment has passed you by. This is how I felt that snow day.

As I looked out the windows I was met with great disappointment. It had barely snowed two inches and blades of dead grass were peaking out of the fading snow. There were already puddles starting to form outside on my deck. My day had just begun, but I could already see the horizon of the next morning, bringing with it a full day of school. Don’t get me wrong, I still enjoyed being off from school and being able to relax for awhile, but every time I looked out the window at the beaming sun, I felt my day melting away along with the glistening snow.

I know this is a pretty pessimistic view on what could be looked at as a perfect day, but sometimes I just can’t help but focus on the negative of the situation. That doesn’t necessarily mean I’m a half glass empty kind of person, because I don’t always focus on the negative. I just find it hard to fully appreciate a moment when I can already feel the end rapidly approaching. I really hope that one day I can fully appreciate every moment, even if it's about to end. But for now I’m still the kind of person that gets sad looking at sunny sky when there’s snow on the ground. Hopefully our next snow day will be a grey, blustery day!